Should you read your kids’ texts?

Fellow parents of teens, quick question! What is skibdi? An adjective? A noun? A disease? Is it contagious? Please, someone help us understand why it seems to be the only word in our kids’ vocabulary.

Overly Involved Parents Might Need to Chill 

The concept of being an “overly involved” parent is complicated. We all want to do everything we can to give our kids the best lives…but we can’t do every little thing for them (or else they’ll never do it themselves). Sometimes, even our love for our children needs boundaries. That’s why you should read this piece about college kids whose parents just can’t let go.

At the end of the day, you don’t want to be one of those parents who baby their kids so much they never learn how to fall and get back up—it’s an essential life skill. And you really, really don’t want to be this.

Why? Overly involved parents can create stress for a child trying to find their own way in the world, Psychiatrist and Chief of Wellness at University of Tennessee Jessi Gold said. Even if you have the best intentions, being a helicopter parent 🚁 can be tough on your kid.

So teach ’em the must-know life skills (see here for a good list) and learn to give them some independence. They just might surprise you.

Making Friends Is Hard to Do

Get this: According to a poll conducted by the University of Michigan, about 1 in 5 parents worry that their child doesn’t have enough friends.

And while that might seem like a normal concern, what’s a little more troubling is that 2 in 3 parents reported wanting their kids to make friends who “come from families similar to theirs.” Gotta be honest—we don’t love this!

What do we love instead? Allowing your kids to make friends with whomever they connect most—whether that’s in school or elsewhere, as long as it’s appropriate, that’s all that matters! 

We talked about this on the pod this week with Marybeth Bock, Master of Public Health, who explained the importance of parents coming from a place of curiosity as opposed to judgment when it comes to who their child hangs out with. Give it a listen! 

Should You Read Your Kids’ Texts?

Ah, the age old question (or maybe since like…2005?). Like all the classic parenting dilemmas, the answer is nuanced.

Licensed therapist Erika Bent says that, while it is definitely necessary for parents to monitor all aspects of a child’s phone when they’re younger, things get more complicated around 13, when kids start wanting (and deserving) privacy.

• Of course, if invading your child’s privacy means saving their life or someone else’s, then it’s always the right move. 

• But more often than not, that isn’t the case. Allowing our teens privacy is how we establish trust and create a safe and comfortable environment—so consider making some space for it.

We’re sensing a theme in today’s newsletter: letting kids (safely) make their own mistakes! Allow us to show our work with some perfect recs for taking a scaled back approach to hands-on parenting.

• Allowing your kids to fail can actually be a great experience for both parents and children alike.

• That smug mom moment when your kids realize you were right all along? Just as satisfying when you let your kids reach conclusions solo.

• Sometimes vacation means going to Walmart when your kid forgets all of their clothes…but at least they learned a lesson in packing for themselves.

• And one more to keep in your back pocket: 5 ways to raise an independent teen.