A new POV on social media & teens 🤔

Hello everyone! Hard to believe we’re already typing this, but: This will be our last full edition of The Cap for 2023! Thank you so much for being along on this ride, helping us learn how to be better parents and people, and sharing so much of your lives with us. We feel so lucky, and we’re proud to be part of this crew with you.

Keep an eye out for something special headed your way next week, and we’ll see you in the new year!

The Impact of Social Media on Teens Isn’t as Clear as We Thought

Picking your nose in public, peeing a little when you laugh, and social media’s impact on teens…all “bad,” right? Well, according to new research, maybe not—at least not that last one.

A new report from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine came to a murky conclusion on the harms of social media for teens. The rundown: 

• Researchers found there isn’t enough population data to specifically blame social media for changes in adolescent health. 

• But…they did find that social media certainly has the potential to hurt the health of teenagers. And social media can make existing mental health difficulties worse.

Basically, they said we need more research before we can come up with a perfect prescription for parents who want to protect their children from social media’s negative impacts. Because it’s complicated—for example: 

• The report found that while middle school girls often experience social anxiety, body dissatisfaction, and depression when they compare themselves with others on social media, factors such as media literacy, supportive parents, and a positive school environment lessened those negative effects.

• Or…for kids under 12, a family policy that restricts social media use seems to reduce the risk of problematic and inappropriate behavior online. But in adolescents 13 and older, controlling or restrictive rules (read: confiscating a phone as punishment) can lead to that teenager taking more risks online. 

What that means: Parenting and environment can make a big difference. But parents aren’t totally clear on what “good” parenting looks like when it comes to social media.

We’re curious: What’s your strategy, seeing as we’re all kinda in the dark here? Hit reply and tell us how you’re handling social media with your kids. Let’s all help each other!

Making the Case for “Benign Neglect”

Hey Siri, what’s the opposite of helicopter parenting? Actor and parenting real one Jennifer Garner recently shared that she engages in “benign neglect.” What’s that? 

“I want to be around. But I also think it’s OK if they suffer from a little bit of benign neglect,” Garner told Today about her three kids. “Their lives are their own. I’m not trying to live their life, and I don’t mind that they see that I love mine.”

It’s not necessarily about checking out from your kids’ lives, but instead letting them figure out when they need you vs. when they’re good on their own. It’s all about letting them learn to be independent and develop a sense of autonomy.

How to Get Your Kids to Behave

Many parents find themselves in this pattern: You calmly ask your kids to do something and…nothing happens. You then repeat yourself, remind your kid again later on, and repeat yourself one more time for good measure, and then…you blow up when your child still doesn’t listen. Tempers get lost and voices get raised.

It’s a classic parenting power struggle and we’ve all been there. When your children don’t listen, you feel the need to take back control. But does that ever work? In our experience, it sure doesn’t.

So we brought an expert in to help us understand why our kids misbehave, when it might be a symptom of a larger issue, and what we can do to correct it…without the whole power struggle thing.

Listen to this crazy useful interview with parenting expert Amy McReady right here.

Groceries Cost How Much??

Are you ready for this? The average family of four spends around $973 monthly on groceries, according to recent data from the USDA. That’s $11,676 per year. And that’s for the low-cost tier of the USDA’s data! It’s crazy how much of our paychecks go toward getting meals on the table. If you’re interested: Here are some tips for saving a little at the grocery store.

Lately, we’ve been having the best conversations in The Common Parent, our community for parents. A huge part of what we do with The Common Parent is support each other, because this sh*t is hard! 

Some of the conversations that have come up lately? How to handle teen boys who refuse to wake up in the morning, how to talk to teen girls who are skipping school, how to understand why your tween is suddenly so rude, and…yep, what to do when your 8-year-old starts holding his 💩.

So in the spirit of sharing advice with our insanely smart and thoughtful community, today we’re sharing some other great spots to get the parenting tips you need for any situation.

• The Common Parent really is chock full of amazing conversations and advice all about the toughest and funniest parts of parenting. You can sign up here.

• We loved how these 16 parents shared their best tips for parenting teens, from speaking their language to helping them become adults.

• 10 practical pieces of advice for parents (especially new parents…but don’t we all feel like new parents sometimes?).

• Slate’s Care & Feeding column is full of the most interesting, insightful Q&A from parents and experts.

Remember…it takes a village!