Is Your Teen On The Dark Side of The Internet?

Hope everyone is having a good week! We are totally swamped over here! Maybe next time we should dance like someone is watching. 😀

Signs Your Teen Is On The Dark Side of the Internet

It feels like we talk about this every week. Because we…kind of do? The reality is, our kids are so chronically online that subjects like this are going to come up all of the time. It’s important we keep an eye out for signs that our teens are engaging with dark content online. That can vary from content that is sexually explicit/inappropriate to podcasts that espouse harmful and bigoted views and everything in between. We talked about this with our The Common Parent community. If our teens are engaging with content they know we wouldn't approve of, they certainly aren’t to come right out and tell us. So here are some signs to look out for: 

• A sudden shift in their language or their sense of humor. This can show up in many ways, but specifically in sharing offensive memes and engaging with an offensive brand of humor.

• Lack of sleep. Lots of teens are tired all of the time but if you find that your teen has their head buried in their screen late at night, it might be time to check out what they’re consuming.

• They are less trusting. Don’t get us wrong, a little bit of skepticism is healthy. But if your teen demonstrates an alarming level of defiance, it could be attributed to the unsavory content they’re engaging with. 

• Withdrawing from activities and relationships. Another red flag is your teen disengaging with things and people that used to bring them joy.

• A hyperfixation on one topic. There’s nothing wrong with being passionate about something, but if you find that your teen is obsessively talking about a topic, community or influencer in a way that feels unbalanced, listen to your gut.

We talked about this part last week too: while teens of all genders are susceptible to the dark side of the internet, it overwhelmingly impacts boys. We’ve come up with a list of positive male role models of our boys to follow on social media. Kids model what they see, both on and offline! 

Teens and Digital Shoplifting

Stealing is and always has been not cool. But like almost everything in today's world, shoplifting has evolved from IRL to online and teens have caught on. How does someone shoplift online? By beating the system. A digital shoplifter can falsely submit a claim for a lost or stolen item, with the goal of getting a refund, an item they didn’t purchase or both. It requires some tech savvy, but for teens in this day and age, that’s second nature for them. 

We’ve all heard about the psychology of stealing–sometimes it’s less about the stuff and more about the adrenaline rush that comes with breaking the rules. This kind of teen rebellion is problematic not only because stealing is against the law but because it can lead to much more troubling behaviors. “Digital shoplifting can lead to a desensitization to unethical behavior, and if they are able to get away with it, they may feel emboldened to try other forms of dishonesty in other aspects of their life,” says Dr. Pamela Walters. It’s a slippery slope. So it’s important we be mindful of the packages coming in and out of our homes and maybe check that credit card bill every once in a while to ensure things are on the up and up. Above all else, we as parents can stress the notion that earning money to buy things you want is much more rewarding.

Tracking Your Kid’s Phone Can Run Deeper Than Just Safety

Knowing your child is safe is the ultimate peace of mind. Technology, for better or for worse, has made it easier than ever to track our kid’s every move. Is that healthy? It depends who you ask. But it’s a completely understandable insult–if you have the ability to know where your child is at all times, why wouldn’t you want to know? But one father has made the astute observation that sometimes tracking our teens is about more than safety. This parent mentions that because he shared custody of his sons, he sometimes missed out on big moments so the tracking app was “a digital substitute for being there in person.” 

Psychotherapist Michelle Felder explains: “A parent with limited time with their child might use a tracking app as a starting point for connection; for example, sending a text saying, ‘I see you made it home safely. I hope your presentation went well — I can’t wait to hear all about it!’ This engages, shows care and keeps communication open.” This is more than understandable and in terms of whether or not constantly tracking our kids is the “right” thing isn’t so cut and dry. Do what works for you, and if it feels like it’s too all-consuming, take a step back–for your kids’ sake and for yours 😁

Sometimes parenting can feel like yelling in the void. You wonder, “Are my kids even listening to me?” And then something amazing happens that shows you they hear you, more often than you realize:

• This little girl applied gentle parenting techniques on her younger sister in the most adorable, compassionate way!

Sometimes the small wins feel the biggest! Like this mom whose teenage son asked for a winter coat! Be still our hearts!