FAFO Parenting

If anybody needs us…we’ll be in the car! Always. IYKYK. 

Teens With Body Image Issues Are More Likely to Self-Harm

This is scary. But it’s something we as parents have to talk about. While it’s great that we are living in the age of body positivity, it doesn’t mean our kids are exempt from experiencing body image issues. They are bombarded with unrealistic depictions of what they are supposed to look like every minute of the day. Research indicates that teens who fixate on their weight are more likely to engage in self-harm. It’s a tale as old as time–outside influences lead impressionable teenagers to believe their body is “wrong” and they participate in self-destructive behaviors to either “fix it” or escape their suffering. A teen’s actual weight isn’t as relevant–their perception is reality. Teens who believe they are overweight are three times more likely to experience intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation. 

The good news? The study also showed that investing in preventative measures and early-intervention programs really does work. Parents can work together with schools to promote healthy self-image for teens. When kids learn early on about self-acceptance and how all bodies are different, beautiful and worthy, they are more likely to process complex feelings about their own bodies in a healthy way.

What is FAFO Parenting?

The PG version? It means “F around and Find Out.” We’re confident you can infer what the F stands for 😀. The phrase is used on social media a lot but some people are implementing it as a parenting style. And while the name might be a little rough around the edges, it’s actually rooted in good intentions. It just means allowing your kids to experience the consequences of their actions. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. It doesn’t apply if they are in any kind of danger. But if your kid refuses to wear a jacket despite your warning that it could get chilly…maybe you let them. They’ll likely get cold and wish they brought a jacket. It isn’t so you can say “I told you so.”The consequences (in this case, very minor) are what will serve as the teaching moment. 

The purpose of this parenting style is not simply for kids to “find out the hard way.” It’s meant to demonstrate to our children the impact their decisions can have and there are some things that are within their control. It’s not meant to break them down, but to build them up and help them develop a sense of autonomy. It’s easier said than done. It’s natural for parents to want to step in and stop our kids from making a mistake. But if you insert yourself every time your kids are about to make an unwise choice, how will they ever have the tools to make a wise choice when you’re not around? 

Parenting Tip: Stop Talking

That might be a weird thing to hear from us of all people. Talking is kind of our whole deal. But we are moms first, yappers second! Psychologist and teen parenting coach Jenny Hwang brings up a good point—sometimes the best way to make headway with your teen emotionally is to stop talking and start listening. It’s not exclusive to teens–sometimes people in general want to vent without being offered a flurry of solutions. Our teens want to be heard, not preached to. 

Don’t get us wrong, there are times our advice is warranted and even necessary. But it’s a case by case thing. You can pick your moments. And it’s very likely to improve your relationship. If your kid feels like you’re really listening instead of just waiting to give your opinion on what they should do, they’re more likely to take your advice when you do offer it. That’s a win for everyone! 

In a perfect world, our kids feel affirmed every day. But life happens and sometimes they need an extra boost. That’s where we as parents come in! 

• Saying the right thing to your teenagers can feel impossible (see headline above this lol) but we’ve got some tips for how to help your child build up their confidence.

• If you need a little more guidance, Raising Mentally Strong Kids is an evidence-based book about how to raise our children to be confident, kind and responsible. Sign us up!